Can We Be That Filled With Hate

Recently, I sat in a courtroom and watched a trial as members of a family had to testify against other members of the same family. As I sat there, I thought about two Torah commandments that have always bothered me personally from a human perspective.  

These two commandments have always concerned me internally because on the surface they both seem contrary to G-D’s mercy and grace, appearing to be extremely harsh and maybe even unloving. The first one is found in Deuteronomy 21 where we find the commandment to stone a rebellious son to death. The second is found in the book of Numbers 5 where the Torah describes the ritual performed if a husband believed that his wife had been unfaithful or had strayed, but had no evidence nor witnesses to prove the unfaithfulness. 

According to the Torah, if a spirit of jealousy overtook the husband, he would follow the instructions found in Numbers 5:15:

“Then he should take his wife to the kohen. He must also bring a tenth of an ephah of barley flour as an offering for her. He is not to pour oil or put incense on it, because it is an offering for jealousy, a reminder offering drawing attention to guiltiness.

Then the priest would do the following:

Numbers 5:16 “The kohen is to bring her near and have her stand before Adonai. 17 Then the kohen is to take some holy water in a clay jar and take some dust from the floor of the Tabernacle and put it into the water.

After mixing the above, the priest would have the woman testify by swearing that she was not unfaithful. After she swore her innocence, she would be given the “bitter water” to drink, which, if she was innocent, nothing would happen to her. However, if she was guilty, her abdomen would swell and her thigh would waste away. She will be accursed among her people. In other words, she would die a gruesome and agonizing death. 

I want to point out that at this point in the records of Jewish history, we have no documented cases of either a rebellious son being stoned or a woman going through the ritual of Sotah and exploding. That is not to say it couldn’t have happened, but we simply have no record of it.

The truth is, I don’t even want to focus upon the rebellious son or the unfaithful wife, I want to focus on the parents, the husband, the elders, and the priest. For a moment, think about what it would have been like to be a parent of a rebellious son who would not listen to his parents, was a drunk, and a glutton. How bad would this son have to be to cause his parents to get to the place where they would bring him to the elders of Israel so that all the men of the city would together stone him to death? Remember, this is the son that you birthed, fed, held in your arms, and loved deeply. Just how bad would it have to get for you to knowingly take him to be executed? I could not imagine ever getting to a place where I would take my son to be executed, could you?

Now, let’s look at the situation with the husband who accused his wife of being unfaithful. This is a somewhat different situation because it is a little easier to understand the anger that could rise up in a man who truly believed his wife was unfaithful. Jealousy can become blinding and open the door to deception. It is for this reason that the husband didn’t bring his wife to the elders but rather to the priest. The priest would then do something unique as we read in Numbers 5:18:

Then the kohen will have the woman stand before Adonai, loosen the woman’s hair, put into her hands the reminder offering, the offering for jealousy, while in the kohen’s own hands are the bitter waters that bring a curse.

Remember that the binding or covering of a woman’s hair was a symbol of the covering of her husband. Because the husband was so controlled by a spirit of jealousy, he could no longer truly cover or protect his wife. So he would bring her to the priest who would step temporarily into the role of her covering and protection. 

Think about this, the husband, without any proof of infidelity, would have to bring his wife to the priest to admit that he was overcome by a spirit of jealousy, step out of his role as her covering, and allow the priest to step in as the covering for his wife. Beyond that, he must so strongly be controlled by his jealousy that he would allow his wife to drink something that, if guilty, would cause her to have an extremely painful and dreadful death while he watched. 

While I think that both the stoning of the rebellious son and the ritual for the unfaithful wife could be seen as a warning against sin, I think both of them were provided as warnings against quick judgement being made without grace, mercy or love. I think the reason we don’t read historical examples of either of these two trials and punishments is because G-D was showing us just how far from loving your son or your wife you would have to get in order to bring them to be executed. I also think that these extremely harsh commandments of judgement were provided because if we knew just how difficult (or even impossible) it would be for us to bring those we love to be judged and executed, or possibly die a horrible death, we can understand a little of the love G-D has for us and why He provides such grace and mercy to us even when we have been guilty of rebellion and unfaithfulness towards Him. When we come to understand this level of grace and mercy, it will help us to view those who hurt, offend, or sin against us through the eyes of G-D instead of through our eyes of offense.